Of fever and strength

I worked hard these past few days till I had a fever.... *a loong sigh*

I sigh not that I feel ungrateful or hates the fever I get but.. I feel bad for myself. I have to ashamedly admit that I am -sort of- a weak person. I easily fall sick. Kalau buat kerja berat sikit, mula lah nak demam lah ini lah.. Why oh why dear body :(

Err back to my main point, while lying in the bed, reducing the fever and the headache, I made some thinking about that. About why am I so weak.. And how this 'curse' will sometimes limit my activities especially ones that related to dakwah and tarbiyyah.

But at the bright side, I feel grateful for every sickness I had and I felt, Allah will vanish away all my sins, purifying my heart and self. Alhamdulillah for that... And while do the thinking, it reminisce me to our last mukhayyam last semester.

Mukhayyam R4BIA which also my first mukhayyam.

At first, I couldn't worry less about my safety and health as I know myself better. I know that I am weak at this kind of activities -lasak, camping, tak cukup tidur et all- I know I will fall sick.

But Allah showed that I am wrong. There is no strength than which comes from Allah... I forgot that I have Allah whom the One who lends me the strength all this while.. During the mukhayyam, Alhamdulillah I am all healthy and enthusiastic. All praises are Allah's! Even after mukhayyam, I do not get any fever or anything!

And I am a human too. I easily forget the nikmat.. I thought I am free from the 'curse' until I went for another compulsory camp due to the course I took. The camp is a week after the mukhayyam. During the camp, Allah tests me with lotssss of sickness. Hukhuk.

Tudddiaaaa, lain kali jangan nak perasan sangat. Semua benda dari Allah semata.. If you're healthy, thats only because Allah bestows upon you His endless mercy...

And itulah the first and the last experience of tak-sakit-walaupun-kerja-kuat. At least merasa lah juga kan how my life would be like without the 'curse' :p

Lol am lembik. But I guess itu semua tidak penting. Yang penting, adalah kekuatan jiwa! Kekuatan iman! Kekuatan tekad dan azam! And the list goes on.. The strength of the inside is mooooooore and moooore important than your physical strength.

Biarlah demam pun asalkan tak terlantor and kecewa dengan demam tu. Kan?

Ah, now that I reminisce the moments of mukhayyam, I started to miss it! Never will I forget one of the statements made by someone during the post-muhasabah kudeta's activity by the sea;

"kita kadang terlalu selesa dengan kedudukan kita. Selepas kemenangan Mursi, kita semua bergembira seolah-olah kemenangan itu sudah pasti jadi milik kita. Lupakah kita bahawa kemenangan itu di tangan Allah, bukan di tangan Mursi? Lalu Allah mengambil Mursi untuk mengajar kita dan membersihkan kita dari sebarang pergantungan lain.. Dan kerja dakwah tak akan terhenti biarpun kemenangan itu seakan-akan sudah sangat hampir.."

"Antunna adalah pewaris dakwah ini. Jangan terlalu selesa dengan keadaan kita.. All out lah untuk dakwah ini"

Do the muhasabah.. All this while, benar-benar all out kah kita dalam kerja-kerja dakwah ni?
We all know the answer :'(

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