Talking from the heart
Last two days, I met my friend who just lost her father. (Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rojiun.. May Allah puts her father among the believers)
In past few days too, I don't feel good. My imaan is not in a good state nor in a bad state. I just felt... Empty. I feel far from Him yet feel so close to Him in a way that is too complicated to explain.
I tried to fill the emptiness with everything but all(that I usually do) just seems not to work anymore.. So I decided to try other way by *kononnya* take some rest and keluar dari rumah (because I guess I'm just too tired being at home for this 3 months long).
So yah, that day, is the first day I went out for a window shopping, coffee talk yada yada sepanjang cuti sem ni fuh! *kesat peluh* EH tapi sebelum ni ada je keluar cuma tu keluar raya pi open house etc.
Errr ok SOOOO back to the topic, I think I made a wise decision sebab...... That day is reaaaaaaaaally such a tarbiyyah day for me tsssk. Rasanya macam dah lamaaa sangat tak dapat wake up call macam tu dari Allah wuuu.. I don't know how to put the feelings into words but listening to the stories of my friend-- how she lost her father in a sudden way, how she reaaaally wants to change for good but do not have enough strength and how she has too many things to adapt with her new life--- just make me feel like.... Ya Allah how ungrateful I am T______T
I tried to put myself into her shoes, but I guess, I am not strong enough to bear with what shes currently facing now... Indeed ya Allah, la yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha... No soul is given more than what it can handle masha Allah ya Rabbb T_______T
To my dear friend there, stay strong.. Allah is with u. He knows u can handle this and believe me, for every pain, for every heartbreak u are feeling, Allah prepares for you endless rewards there. Dunya is not our place, we can't find the happiness, perfection and eternal that we are longing for because this is dunya. Our heart are actually longing for Jannah, for the hereafter where we will find eternal happiness and perfection. Lets struggle for Jannah in order to see your father whos *inshaa Allah* already rest peacefully there..
I can't stop thinking about the actual feeling of losing parent but I guess I just can't even imagine ya Allah, may You make her stronger, day by day.. Inshaa Allah. Aameen aameen aameen.
I am just sooo ungrateful astaghfirullah T____T may Allah forgive me!